How to Deal with EGOS

There are many behaviours that can get in the way of effective communication. Some of them are easy to manage while others are more difficult.

The “Big Ego” is one I hear about frequently. We all have an ego, but there are times when we perceive that the size of another’s can get in the way of effective communication and resolving conflict.  

People struggle with ways to overcome this, especially when managing up. Why? The fear factor, of course. 

There are many specific behaviours that get in the way of productive communication. I am often approached by participants after a workshop who ask how to best deal with specific behavioural situations perceived as risky.

I undertook an initiative based on several inquiries and polled my fellow Kwelans for their input on ways to deal with them:

Do We Reach Enlightenment By Trusting Our Employees?

One of my bosses, one of Kwela’s two owners, Russ, came to my choir concert the other Saturday night.  Afterwards I introduced him to a good friend of mine who loves that he is a huge supporter of Sea Shepherd.

As they were chatting, she remarked to him how cool she thinks it is that her and I can be in my kitchen making brownies and when my phone rings, I flip into ‘Kwela Corp’ mode and conduct business for 10 min’s while the batter awaits.

Russ laughed and then parlayed that the most non-business setting he took a client call in was on the water in a kayak.

It really struck me how the telecommute model that Kwela employs requires a huge amount of trust – on all our parts, certainly, but especially on the parts of the owners.  If one can make progress toward better conditions through employing more enlightened or liberal ideas, have Russ and Nic reached enlightenment because they trust us all so implicitly?

Integrity: The Invaluable Value

Many organizational values include ‘integrity’; however, if you asked employees what integrity really means, a wide array of answers may abound due to confusion around its true meaning.

This presents a problem as it is the foundation of sustainable business success.

What does integrity really mean? It was a buzz word that was amplified during the recent financial crash due to wide-reaching corporate scandals.  It became known as an “accounting issue”; however, it is way more than just an accounting matter. 

Here I will attempt to define integrity and provide ways to create this foundation.

Why do some leadership development efforts fail?

McKinsey & Company have a perspective. Their studies show that organizations can avoid the most common mistakes in leadership development and increase the odds of success by:

What do you take for granted?

Years ago, I recall the precise moment when I realized, very tangibly, the impermanence of life.  

I sat on the couch, contemplating, dreaming, longing for my mother.  She had died just weeks before of cancer.  In that very typical, and yet not normal, passing moment, it hit me -- I too will die.  In that moment I was aware of my physical being; feeling my heart pound beneath my skin.  My heart would someday stop. 

It is so unconscious.  I take it for granted.  My body does all of these amazing things without me even being involved.  My mind can’t control what the body already knows what to do and the immanent wisdom it already has.  Funny that is probably why nature took that option away – it knew the monkey brain would go for controlling all of it, if it could.  Imagine if you had to control when and how often you breathed or digested?  We would find ways to mess with it for sure.

Personal Behavioural Transition – the STAR Approach

We’ve all read self-improvement books, seen motivational speakers and taught behaviours and skills in order to perform at our best. Some of us take action and see results. Others acknowledge what new behaviour is needed but struggle with transitioning.

A few think their behaviours are acceptable and don’t need to change. Those who struggle with or don’t see a need to change behaviours may create road blocks in personal and team performance, putting success at risk.

Sustainable personal behaviour transition can be challenging for many. We have a lifetime of creating how we interact with the world. We also like to blame others for our behaviours and become a victim of circumstance; “Until they change, I won’t”.

This article explains how I transitioned through self-limiting behaviours to ones where I find my performance has increased and I am able to live and work with greater integrity in terms of who I really am.

Fear Explored

Imagine, you are asked to provide 360 feedback on a manager with whom you have a difficult relationship.  Or imagine you are leading a team and no one is saying what they really think – you perceive that people are holding back their opinions.

Or what about a situation where leaders are physically closing doors … an acquisition has been recently announced but you and your colleagues know little about what the impact will be on the business.  In all of these situations, most commonly, and not surprising, the overwhelming response is fear.

In my day-to-day work, I find myself in situations where training or leadership development is expected to be the answer.  However, when one starts working with participants or a team, really trying to understand the issues, what often emerges is that there is a larger, unspoken issue.

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 7)

This is the last of our 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

When accountability conversations don’t work

If accountability efforts continue to fail despite best efforts, let the recipient know that the cost of inaction could be disciplinary or if you they don’t report to you, that you will escalate the issue. In approaching the recipient use a gentle tone and:

- Explain the next step and when it will happen

- Follow the entire process through

- Agree who will be doing what and do it

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 6)

This is the 6^th in a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

Step 4: Make it motivating and easy

If you are in a leadership role, it is your job to remove barriers to success by evaluating them and putting steps in place to overcome them. 

Employees are generally the closest to the problem, so engaging their thinking is likely the best. Make sure you don’t push your biases, ideas, or manipulate them. Create shared solutions and ensure that nothing was missed by recapping what was said and then ask “If this is all done, are you going to be accountable to results?” If the answer is no, there is more to be explored.

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 5)

This is the 5^th in a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

We'll continue exploring the model presented in Part 2 of this series:

Step 3: Describe the Gap

Once the story is mastered, it is time to engage in the conversation. Feeling safe (time and place) for both parties is a necessary foundation. Ask the recipient what might be an ideal time and place to have a conversation.

Once safety is assured, start the conversation by describing the gap through sharing what specifically you observed versus what was expected.  

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 4)

This is the 4th of a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

We'll continue exploring the model presented in Part 2 of this series:

Step 2: Master the story

Clarifying the ‘what’ from your personal reality is important as it creates an awareness of:  is it me; is it them; is this really worth it? 

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 3)

This is the 3rd of a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

This time we'll explore more in-depth the model presented last time:

Step 1: Clarify the What and If

It is important to evaluate the problem and the potential risk of not holding one accountable in order to come up with the right solution for ourselves, our team, organization and/or the employee.  

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 2)

This is the 2nd of a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

Accountability is a word that erupted as mainstream due to numerous corporate scandals and the economic and competitive challenges that abound. 

It is no longer just a term used for accounting practices; it is now a behavioural expectation in leadership. As such, "Accountability" is being enforced by many organizations as ‘the way we do business around here’.

Claiming a value of accountability in is one thing; living and breathing the necessary behaviours to enable it is another. Why is that?

Walk the Talk of Accountability (Part 1)

This is the first of a 7-part series on the topic of accountability, based on book “Crucial Accountability”, 2013 (authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler)

“One of the problems is I internalize everything. I can’t express anger; I grow a tumor instead.”                                                                                    - Woody Allen

It is simple to hang a framed value list on an office wall that includes “Accountability”; however, are employees holding each other accountable when visible behaviours state otherwise? It’s not an easy thing to do.